Alexithymia — Have you heard of this?
Any hope for recovery relies on a struggler’s willingness and ability to develop emotional equity.
You or someone close to you probably has an experience with alexithymia. Commonly called emotional blindness, it’s a phenomenon characterized by the inability to recognize and express one's own emotions.
Have you ever been told you lack empathy, or do you know someone who does? That's a great example.
Empathy is feeling with people.
Dr. Brené Brown
As Brené advocates in her video below, in order to have empathy for another person we must be able to connect to the same emotions within ourselves.
It makes sense that people with a limited ability to recognize emotions within themselves also would not have strength in empathizing with others. This makes having deep, meaningful relationships particularly challenging—especially within a coupleship.
So how is this relevant to addiction recovery?
Addiction is rooted in relational wounding. With help, people who struggle with addiction can point to early life experiences when they emotionally disconnected in an abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional environment. Choosing protection over connection was a survival strategy.
Addiction is rooted in relational wounding.
These survival strategies, while they served their purpose in the past, create relational difficulties in the present day. That is, difficulties in relationship with others and oneself. Disconnection from knowing their own emotional needs is a driving force to seek external resources (like addictive behaviors) to relieve internal distress.
83% of relapse is due to unregulated emotions and relational problems.
Dr. Robert Perkinson
Simply put, strugglers are disconnected from their heart. The emotional gap prevents them from validating others' life experiences and from being truly known themselves.
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.
Johann Hari
Any hope for recovery relies on a struggler’s willingness and ability to develop emotional equity—the skills of emotional awareness and self-regulation.
Alexithymia is not a permanent state; we can change our situation but it takes focused commitment.
Self-assessment. We offer a free online survey to measure alexithymia.
Relationship with others. Recovery is hindered by ambivalence because “being truly known” can be a terrifying prospect. A trademark of addiction is a struggler trying to fix the problem in isolation. Shame and addiction thrive in secrecy. They need to work with addiction professionals and participate in a recovery community. The goal: learn to place their heart in someone else’s care.
Relationship with oneself. There are a few mobile apps that can help develop emotional awareness but there aren’t many that have the word alexithymia in the description. Instead, a web search for "emotional awareness apps" or "emotional intelligence apps" will yield more results.
Or, save time and download How We Feel. It was named as one of the top 15 apps of 2022, awarded for its cultural impact and consistent top-tier ratings.